Monday, June 6, 2011

Back to work

So I made it. I woke up this morning, I got dressed, ate breakfast, and got to work, all without breaking down. Not without some dedication though. Every moment, every action I did, every thought I had was about Kathleen. Kathleen would be asking to turn off my fan right now. Kathleen would be asking to play with her toys right now. Kathleen would be asking me if I was going to be wearing pants right now. But every step I took towards leaving helped in a small way of getting through this first day. I know I will miss her forever, but I hope to find that balance between remembering her and memorilizing her. It's a fine line, but one I hope to find in time.

On the flip side, there are the twins. Healthy, 2 pound twin girls who don't understand what is going on, who don't know yet that they missed out on having an amazing big sister, who are kicking and punching me like when they come out they will be ready to kick box. The emotions of knowing I have these two precious beings inside of me is beyond anything I thought I could experience, but again it's the do I cherish these new babies and love them as I know I will without feeling guilty becuase I don't think about Kathleen 24/7. I guess only time will tell.

5 minutes till I officially am at work again. Time to collect myself and put on the brave face and hope that I don't cry with every hug I receive. Crossing my fingers....

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