Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A good day

It's stange to have a "good" day, but so far that is what I would classify today. No meltdowns, no sobbing, no funks.
Just staying busy and having great memories of her. Also, thinking alot of the girls and how things will change so much. I still want to sit down and talk with someone about everything, but today is a pretty good day.
I think talking about it might help just process more of the emotions. How does one process losing one child and within a matter of 2 months give birth to two children and not be racked with guilt? I know it might sound strange, but I am still trying to figure out how to mourn and celebrate Kathleen without it overshadowing the girls impending arrival. Or the other way around- I feel so guilty some days when I just gush and gush about Izzy and Alex becuase I feel I shouldn't be this happy after losing Kathleen only a few weeks ago. Is it ok to feel both absolute joy and happiness AND absolute heartache and pain?? Some days I am just not sure how to process any of it, but then some how I make it through the day and I can smile and function, so I guess the answer is yes. Somehow as humans we can survive and it doesn't make sense, but it's do-able.

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