My body is now mine

So I am officially done with breastfeeding. It was/is the hardest thing I have even done and I did it for almost 6 months. The girls "half" birthday (which I don't care about, but for the purpose of giving a time frame) is next week and we did it all the way up till today. Tomorrow we will introduce formula. I popped a few Sudafeds, since they help dry you out and I need that so I am not in excruciating pain tonight. Plus I am wearing a sports bra from last year, preprego so it's SUPER tight which I hear helps with the pain since my boobs can't fill up all the way. So here it is.
There is the smallest part of me that is sad. I know, what the hell is wrong with me??!! I have been bitching about nursing since I started and now that I am done, I am upset??!! Yeah, I know, it's confusing. The part that will miss it is the part that loves the bonding with the girls. But thats pretty much it. There is the other part of me that then reminds that other part that sure the bonding is nice, BUT thats if and when said baby decides to latch. 90% of the time all they do is scream. Or they latch and then scream and latch then scream. My patience has just worn thin and I have done it for long enough. I wont miss the pumping at every feeding, especially at night when all I want to do is go to bed. NOt be hooked up to a machine and then have to do all the clean up afterwards. I want my boobs back as a sexual aspect, my husband misses them (and thats all I will say about that lol) I want to have a few cocktails and not worry about when I have to feed the girls. I want to go hang out at people's houses with the girls and not worry if I have enough milk or if I am going to try and sneak in to a spare room and feed one girl while i impose on someone to hold the other girl. Nope, I am done.
Now I need to revamp my eating. The last 6 months I ate anything I saw, which included a ton of fruits and vegetables but equal parts chocolate and sweets. It;s going to take a long time to take off these pounds along with the other 40 pounds I should have lost before getting pregnant, but I am hopng with alot of hard work and dedication I can shed some of this weight. Not to look pretty, but it's more of being healthy for the girls. I was so lazy with Kathleen. She was great at entertaining herself, and I of course played with her but my ideal day was laying on the couch watching her play with her toys or playing with her from the couch. I hope I can be a bit more active with Alex and Izzy.

So their personalities are shaping up and wow are they so different. Izzy is definitely Chris' daughter. She is quiet, introspective and keeps to herself. She is our "watcher". Alex on the other hand is definitely mine. She wants to be in the middle and smile and laugh and be the center of attention. Its so fascniating and I love them both so much, and so equally. I was worried that one would be more than the other, but it couldn't be farthest from the reality. They are so different and it's easy to love them both. ANd I also love how protective they are of one another, already. Life is pretty freaking amazing.